THE DAY I HAD A TANK FULL AND GOT WET (OH AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT TURNED UP)

Unable to do anything too physical today I elected to shed a little light on what we had done so far and proceeded to install the kitchen lights. The main challenge here was to locate a wooden beam hidden behind the ceiling plasterboard. My kitchen has some exposed beams, whose function appears to hold the outside wall to the inside wall, but these are too low to attach the light fittings. So, I  went into woodpecker mode. Tap, Tap, Tap.    Mmmmmmm, is there a beam there?     ......Or there?    .......Or?  And so it went on, I thought if anyone could see me they would think I was nuts and I was reminded of the Fawlty Towers episode when Basil is trying to spy on a guest and every time he got compromised he put two fingers to a wall and tapped between them with the other hand much as a Doctor would on a wheezy chest. "Just checking for Dry rot dear" or some excuse babbled from his mouth, leading up to his doing said move on a guest bedroom window, the guest just happening to be a psychiatrist. "I could write a whole thesis on him alone" he comments to his wife. You see my mind has more time to drift and wander the back streets of its shadowy thoughts now I am not hounded by, "what aisle is the silver foil in?" or "Do you have chicken thighs?", with which I could never resist the answer "No, I always walk like this!" Ca-chinggggg.
        You see even now my wayward mind is recalling all those stupid Fawlty Tower signs that had been tampered with by some humorous oik, like WATERY FOWLS or FATTY OWLS but without doubt my favourite was (and remember it was a Hotel) FARTY TOWELS.  What could I do with the Old Bakery then?    Well I doubt if I could beat my chum Google so I have found a suitable anagram site and here are some of my favourites:- How about this one that seems to sum up Bed and Breakfast A BERTH YOLKED or I may get a certain type of customer if I jiggle it to A BROTHEL DYKE or worse still the HOTEL DYKE BAR Mmmm,     maybe not..
       Or perhaps to advertise my eggy bread YOLK THE BREAD, or perhaps a little more sinister BATED HER YOLK!  You see the internet is not a waste of time, it provides hours of amusement for without it I would not know that The old Bakery is also THE DRAB YOKEL, on second thoughts that might not go down so well. it might be better if I am more honest and rearrange the letters to read DRAB HOTEL KEY.
The letters could be used to describe what should happen to me, REHAB OLD TYKE or indeed to describe Alison and Claire, LORD THEY BAKE!  I'm drawn to BATH DORKY EEL, just because I can mental envisage what that would look like (I mean watching a dorky eel zigzagging frantically around my bath, very surreal! Orrrr.  In honour of Stephens return soon,  THEY BROKE LAD.
 Where was I?     Oh yes Tap, Tap, Tap. It was no good I had to do a 'BP', by that I don't mean gush oil over most of the southern states of America, oh no, something far less adventurous, I mean I had to carry out exploration drill holes to see if I could find timber, which I did and with just a couple of misses I managed to install 4 light fittings.
     In the evening I nipped to Morrisons for a little shopping and the rain was quite heavy. I had noticed that my cobbled court yard has a pump fitted in the drain, which I assume pumps it out when it is likely to flood. Well I could see a potential of flooding tonight, not quite as severe as Brisbane (note to self ... NOT to immigrate to Australia, it's not all that it is cracked up to be) but enough to seep into my garage. However I happened to suss out that the big tank in the corner of the yard is the container that all the excess is pumped into and that it is full. I switched the pump on and the water was pumped into this tank which immediately started to overflow right back into the drain that it had just come out off!  Who knew? My front yard has an unintentional water feature. The only solution to the problem was to use a large mop bucket to manually empty the tank. I had to use a very slow tap at the bottom of the tank and as it rained I had to wait for the bucket to slowly fill, then take the bucket to the street and pour the contents into the drain there. 15 buckets later and nearly an hour I was drenched and the tank was finally emptied, so what did I do but switched the pump on and I could hear it starting to fill again. well that can be a job for another day (I feel I might be buying a length of hose pipe soon). This has to be a NFN (Normal for Norfolk)as all they had to do was make a pipe that went out onto the street from our drain when they installed it.
      AND FINALLY, as dear old Reggie Bosanquet used to say, a mystery guest made her, for it is a 'her' (gets hot and bothered daily, is temperamental and loses it's shine once it is installed!), there'll be words I feel, made 'her' appearance today. For yes, you've guessed it, I do have to eat my hat, the cooker is in the building. Hooraar! BUT my electrician got bored with the whole saga and the best I can hope for is a visit from him tomorrow.

There she is, hiding in the corner.     Mmmmm, all shiny, Mmmmmm.




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