'When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.' Alexander Graham Bell.

There is no denying it, life is hard and can at times seem very, very harsh and particularly unfair. Most of us were trained or perhaps conditioned throughout our informative years that if you work hard then you'll earn lots of money and enjoy a fruitful period of retirement. It is a bit like having a new born baby, everyone oooh's and arrrr's and tells you how blessed you are to have such a healthy baby and how cute he or she is and how lovely it will be to watch them grow up etc, etc. Nobody ever says ahhhh what a lovely baby how do you think you'll cope with the hours of lost sleep, projectile vomiting, chicken pox, arguments, moods, health scares and issues, eating of bogeys, 'chats with the teacher', diarrhoea, bloody violin practise, dead pets, car sickness, "I want that", "I want this", "I NEEEEED it!", the estimated £200,000 it'll cost you over the years and the getting up at the crack of dawn to stand on a winters touch line to watch your angel do not very much and then tell him how fantastic he was as he comes of blubbing because all the others were bemoaning his total ineffectiveness!

That, my friend, is reality. That is, as they say, true life but in general we don't look at the negative rather we seek out the positives for as a rule the human condition is prone to be one of optimism. So sure we say work hard and you'll do well in life because there is more probability that if you do so you will achieve great things. However if no one ever encouraged anyone to work hard then it is more than a mere probability that they will achieve nothing at all and live in misery.

However for most of us the rose tinted view of the idyllic outside world at some point drops away and only when we really see the world as it is can we start to adjust to all of its absolute madness. You may say that this is the point when you lose your childhood but this is not true as I look with hindsight at several school friends that were very switched on, street wise if you will,  and I can think of others well into their 50's where I still don't think they have 'become aware'.

The thing is once you can see the world for what it is then, and only then, can you start to understand whereabouts you fit into it. I actually think one of my turning points was after I had worked for a decade for Fine Fare Supermarkets and had ended up being a 'trouble shooter' Manager going into small failing branches and turning their financial performance around to one of often strong profitability. I had a good working relationship with the Chairman himself but times were a changing and bigger fish were out there swallowing up the smaller ones and so it was that Gateway Supermarkets bought out Fine Fare lock, stock, barrel and Mike too. Well I became very disillusioned with some very poor management and quickly left to work for the fairly prestigious Safeways supermarket chain. A few years later I saw a copy of my Fine Fare reference and it read:-

"After 10 years of service there has been nothing to the detriment of this employee"

And that was it.

That is all I had to show for the frequent 12 hour days the 3 hour round trip drive from Littlehampton to Oxted for several weeks to sort a problem out, the fantastic financial results from all of my stores, the daily 5am starts whenever they were needed, the verbal and physical abuse received from the 100's of shoplifters that I caught, you get the theme....
"There is nothing to the detriment of this employee".

It was then that I really saw the light and a sea change occurred. I didn't stop working hard, in fact I definitely worked a lot harder in subsequent years, but what I became aware of was the following:-

1. I should not be working for 'The Company' to whom I am just a number but I shall work for my colleagues and everything from then on was about supporting my immediate colleagues. You might think it is the same but you would be wrong for there are times when I could have written and should have written such benign references but it was for a colleague and so I gave it the time befitting someone that I had worked with as just one example.

2. That striving to get to the top of the ladder was not what life is all about. God knows I have seen any number of people from Managers right up to Managing Directors who have worked their way up the slippery pole of life knocking off anyone that got in their way only to end up sacked when their face didn't fit. It really wasn't worth it.

From this point on at least I started to enjoy the journey a bit more and it was only as my industry became less human requiring less initiative but with far more directive Management that I finally elected to leave the industry. For after 30 years, working in 40 different branches and having known several hundred Managers I was very aware that out of all those people and years I have only known 3 people of my grade or above that actually reached retirement age and all three took early retirement but two of which retired through ill health, which meant only one that actually, truly retired!  


So we make these decisions and come out of a comfort zone and it is difficult when you have been in 'corporate land' for so long, much as a soldier struggles to acclimatise to civilian life. I used to have an ex-sailor work for me once and he managed to adjust quite well except every time he would use the store pa system to make an announcement he would blow twice very loudly into the microphone. Why? Well it transpires that he had a system on the ship where he could talk through a tube to the boiler room or suchlike but to get them to come to the tube he had to blow hard twice as their end of the tube had a sort of kettle whistle attached. Old habits do die hard.

 So the reality of bringing up that baby is glossed over, it's cute, you don't need to be concerning yourself with the problems of raising the child, it's going to happen anyway so just concentrate on celebrating the positives.That is what Alison and I have done since we have been together and yes we have had challenges along the way, but the rewards are immeasurable. We couldn't be prouder of both of our children, we have had some great holidays some were more adventures than holidays, but that is cool because you can't feel that you have lived without a little 'risk' somewhere along the line.

The latest chapter in my part of the story is that I broke away from the retail world and with the help of my family we set up The Old Bakery. However it too is in jeopardy as a new challenge has been thrown at us.......

That is my story but for the same 30 years Alison has been unfolding her own story and it looks like it is reaching one of those critical chapters. Clearly we run in tandem but neither of us have ever encroached on the others work, we've advised when asked and have been a sounding bench when required but each has forged their own career from their own metal and I know that we are both very proud of how committed we have been to doing a good job.

Now it is Alison's turn for the cold knife of Corporate life to cut into her life. Blame it on the recession if you will but it is tagged as 'operational effectiveness' a euphemism for we need to cut jobs and so we are cutting 2,000 and guess what buddy your time is up and so it is that Alison is due to be made redundant after 34 years in the bank. She did take a few years out to have children but for most of the 34 years she worked for the same Bank.

In due course and in the fullness of time I am sure that Alison will tell her story but what I will say is that she (and indeed me too) see this only as a new challenge and actually a chance to concentrate on a job in an area that she would prefer to work in. It is a tough economic climate out there and The Old Bakery is still in its infancy but the one thing that will get us through this uncertain time is the knowledge that we both know we will look for the positive, we will do what we have to do, together, we will not gripe about the bank... the World owing us a living and we will get off our ever fattening arses and make it happen, because no other bugger can!





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Sitting on the patio with a cup of Earl Grey tea.........

 200 words

High in the air where the air is bare
you'll look from your window and wonder what's there.
30,000 feet below,
a place you'll never visit, a place you'll never know.
But nestled amongst the patchwork quilt of lush green fields and ancient woods, near a salt marsh coast and pebbles and sand.
You'll find my village, my space, my home, My England.
Off the beaten track and on a road with no destination,
A laid back approach far from a City's complication.
Lost amongst a hundred other Norfolk hamlets in a County sorely underrated,
Sunken into a pillow of rolling inclinations, relaxed, chilled and totally sedated.
The village has rested here since the Doomsday book of 1085,
Unassuming, without pretence but with a throbbing heart it stays alive.
An old flint cottage but yet tidy and neat,
The Old Bakery stands humble on a road called The Street,
within its flint garden wall,
the daffodils and tulips stand tall.
The fruit trees blossom in a show of pinks and whites
it's a garden that invites, delights and excites.
Sitting on the patio with a cup of Earl Grey tea,
I notice high up in the sky an aeroplane flying over me...

                                                                                                  M.Thomas

Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 is asking people to say why they love where they live in 200 words or less so I have tried to capture the elements of what I think makes this place special and yes it is exactly 200 words.

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The Old Bakery however goes on..................

I am in trouble with Alison for in all the excitement of getting out of hospital I neglected to report it here and in so doing (I am told) I have given the impression that I was still suffering in hospital. Well friends (and I include Sally and Helen whom have graciously consented to be 'followers' of this rather meandering blog of mine) I am neither in hospital nor suffering, thankfully. I was released on the third day and have been on antibiotics since to ensure that this virulent bug is killed off. My big, big brother (I have two) is a bio-chemist well to be exact he is a Ph.D. Senior Associate Dean, GSBS, Professor and Chair of Pharmacology and Physiology, Infusino Endowed Chair of the University of medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey Medical School. But I just call him Andy. 



Now bearing in mind that he is in-charge of "Medicine and Dentistry" you'd think that he would send home some free pills or at least recommend a good dentist! But nothing, just some boring 'ground breaking research' on diabetes or such like. At least when I worked in the supermarket I got to bring some cheap rotisserie chicken home when it was left at the end of the night!


My diseased ear has got better (I don't wish to seem to be harping on about it but this is no thanks to my big, big brother who is, incidentally, also a Dr.but that's a con 'cause I haven't even ever seen him with a stethoscope). The ear is no longer the pretty twin to my other ear that it once was, no, now it is more of a long lost cousin who travelled on the 'bad side' of the road and we don't talk of.

Thanks by the way to Claire, my daughter, third 'follower' writer of the last blog and now a working Speech and Language therapist, for giving such a helpful "users guide to Michael Thomas". Your patronising was a work of art.


Claire has earnt herself a career as a Speech and Language Therapist (SALT) in a school way down in Somerset and last weekend we moved her down there. I should have considered being a 'removals' guy as I have had extensive experience in doing this job having moved my children in and out of different accommodations at least 11 times. Some years back I traded in a fantastic 4x4 Toyota Landcruiser for a Previa people carrier. At the time my children could not understand why I should trade in a cool car for what they called a "loser Cruiser". The reason was a simple one of practicality as whilst the Landcruiser was a big beast it's 6th & 7th seats were only any good if you were a dwarf (are we allowed to call short people Dwarfs? or should it be midgets?) and the storage space for luggage was terrible. The Previa on the other hand had full size seats in the 6th and 7th positions and further more all of the seats could be removed turning the car effectively into a small van.

It was this ability that allowed me to move my children so often from flat to flat as they progressed through University. FURTHERMORE.... this extra space enabled us to go on long holidays to Europe including a brilliant tour ending up in Venice. Admittedly the car did break down on one of the highest roads in Austria but that was not the cars fault, uh-ha, no it was totally the fault of the incompetent driver who had not read the manual and whom burnt out the brakes as a result. I don't even understand why they groan on about that incident so much as they were treated to a brilliant 'wild ride' back down the mountain around superb hair pin bends whilst sitting inside our car actually on top of the rescue lorry. God did it bounce around! Claire particularly has never forgiven me for this lapse in judgement, have a look a the video....

Anyway last weekend we moved Claire out of The Old Bakery and down to somerset and I managed to get most things into the Previa. I crammed in..... A 6' tall full size Fridge Freezer, A large two seater sofa, A large dining table and two dining room chairs, A book case, Books for the said book case, A large 3'x18" coffee table, A tall light, the equivalent of four large Pickford's removal boxes full of Kitchen pots pans and equipment, all of her SALT reference books, a full length mirror, a waste bin, a portion of her clothes, a collapsible table, table lamps and shades, oh and a TV and a DVD player..... Oh and four handbags and a laptop plus cushions and other assorted bits of 'stuff'. So don't tell me that the Previa is a loser cruiser, no sir-eee, quite the contrary it is more like the bloody TARDIS!


On the way back (a journey of some five and a half hours) I was struck with firstly how many places I had visited in England during my life, mainly because of the many holidays that my parents took us out on and then secondly how many places I have not visited in this England. Claire has been consumed by a book that she got second hand about the most enchanting and wonderful places to visit in England, see her blog. It got me thinking just how lucky we are in this Country to have so many interesting places to visit and as I drove towards home I passed such delights as:


1. The Somerset Levels, flood plains where literally thousands of Starlings put on a performance in the evening like dancing clouds of locusts prior to roosting.
2. Glastonbury Tor.
3. Cheddar Gorge and its caves.
4 The Wookey Hole Caves.
5. Weston Super Mare with one of the longest sandy beaches in the UK.
6. Bristol with its remarkable Suspension Bridge and in its shadow the SS Great Britain an amazingly brave design by Brunel who used iron to make the hull. It was only meant to be a prototype but it went on to sail 32 times around the world, nearly a million miles!
7. In the distance I could see the two Seven Suspension bridges, the first was built when I was only 6 years old.
8. Bath, well just Wow, what a City everyone should visit it.
9. Swindon with its massive Steam train heritage and the infamous Magic Roundabout junction...

The magic roundabout Swindon

10. Henley On Thames.
11. Windsor Castle (and Lego Land).
12. St Albans with its Roman Theatre.
13. Epping Forest.
14. Cambridge.
15. Newmarket races,
16. Ely Cathedral.
17. Castle Acre.
AND.... Hindolveston


The point is that England is full of really interesting places, absolutely FULL! I've still so many to see.






The Old Bakery however goes on and my next 'project' is to try and sound proof the rumbling boiler as the deeper bass sounds reverberate around the cottage in the background. So far no one has complained but I want to stamp out the problem before it becomes an issue. Once again the loser Cruiser comes up trumps as I squeeze into the car a massive piece of polystyrene 4" thick and 4' wide and 8' long!


At the moment the cottage is busier than the B&B but when the weather improves and the threat of the petrol tanker drivers striking has gone then hopefully things will pick up again.






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A users guide to Michael Thomas

I have been living at home with my Mum and Dad for a year now. Whenever I would come home from university for the weekend, I would rarely get to see Dad. There were a few occasions where I did not get to see him at all. The times when I did get to see him would be late at night when he came home from a 'late shift' and he would bring home a rotisserie chicken or two. On these days I would plod down in my PJ's to have a midnight snack with Dad. The times where he was fortunate enough to have a day off coincide with me we would end up visiting family and he would have a happy day... basically a day where he would be in a pesky mood. Since he started the B&B all of his days have been happy days...

It has been strange being back home, I have enjoyed spending time with my parents (and am thankfully lucky that I get on really well with them). I have been fortunate to spend a lot of time cooking and therefore am worried that my parents might starve now I am leaving, which is why I have spent the last week creating a laminated cookbook for Dad to use. I have learnt how to grout and tile a bathroom. But the thing I have learnt the most about is probably my Father.

So here is a guide on how to look after Michael Thomas:

How to look after Michael Thomas, a guide for all those who live and work with/for him.

When he is injured:

1.       Attend to the wound (if applicable)

2.       Make noises suggesting sympathy

3.       Try to distract his attention

4.       If he comes up with a crazy theory of why this happened to him (e.g. ladybird in the ear), listen to him, dispute the theory, then put the kettle on.

5.       If the problem is persistant get him to call the doctor, this may take a week or two so nag him endlessly.

6.       When he finally goes to the doctors make sure he does what is prescribed e.g. force him to do his exercises.

***If he needs urgent medical attention, take him to A&E, he will protest but force him to go by withholding tea***

When he is sick:

All men believe that when they are sick they are on deaths door, Michael is no exception, in fact I believe that he leads all other men by showing them how to be pathetic when ill and the ways of trying to get sympathy from others. With this in mind, the best way to shut him up (so you can get on with your work) is to pander to him, give him a cup of tea and let him watch kids TV.

Michael has always been a hard worker and therefore does not like taking time off for being ill at all. He can behave like a toddler when this happens, running away from you when you are trying to get him to rest. He only listens to Alison when she tells him to rest (and sometimes he doesn’t even do that!) so try by any means to get him to rest. (Again, withholding tea will help with this).

***If he ever won’t call the doctor when he is ill, remind him of the time he didn’t and his ear became red and puffy and he ended up staying two nights in hospital***

What to do when his jaw dislocates:

1.       Give him a roll of kitchen towel

2.       Take him to A&E

3.       DO NOT let him waste time by taking pictures of it or film it

4.       He will be in pain so drive quickly (and safely).

General Mannerisms:

If he gets confused about the time/date give him a minute to collect his thoughts, then if needed help him.

He shouts very loudly at the rugby.

He fuffs around a lot with his camera/laptop, there is no way to stop this so just grin and bear it.

When driving with Michael, he may often pull over quickly at the side of the road, pull out his camera to take a photo. The scariest time he has done this was on a mountain road in Scotland, where he had already opened the door and taken off his seatbelt before the car had come to a stop.

DO NOT let him listen to the following music in the car (his driving will suffer):

1.       The star wars theme

2.       The Indiana Jones theme

3.       Bat out of hell

4.       Dam busters

5.       The great escape

6.       Jurassic Park theme

7.       Really, any John Williams music...

Occasionally Michael likes to watch children’s television, be warned that when he watches new versions of Postman Pat and Fireman Sam he will become grumpy.

He likes to sing songs, this would not be a problem if he could (a) remember the words, (b) remember the tune or (c) on the odd occasion when he remembers the tune, he cannot sing in tune. Do not bother correcting him, you will only waste your breath.

If he won’t do something that you need him to do, tell him that you will be with holding tea. You can make tea for yourself, but immediately empty the kettle/teapot after you have made your cup so he cannot sneak in and get some.

When shopping with Michael please beware that:

1.       He gets distracted very easily

2.       If you need to have him get something for you, make sure when asking that you have full eye contact with him and he repeats back what you are asking of him.

3.       He needs to have a shopping list or he will forget

4.       He will lose the shopping list, there are two remedies to this, one is for you to keep the shopping list or two (if he is shopping by himself) tie the list on a piece of paper around his neck (Paddington Bear style).

5.       He may come home with something that wasn’t on the list e.g. magic beans

6.       When putting items on the till conveyer belt he likes to organise them in a Tetris like fashion, with the barcodes facing the cashier. So if he has been particularly pesky whilst shopping when putting items on the conveyer belt make it as untidy as possible. (Extra points if you can mix room temperature food with cold food.

Bed and breakfast

***Be aware that once he takes the food out to the guests he does often leave the hobs on by accident, therefore always check they are off***

He also enjoys talking to the guests, this is not a bad thing as they enjoy it,  but if you are waiting for him to return make sure you have something to do i.e. knitting, sewing or checking your emails.

He has before forgotten to get the key off the guests, remind him to get the key.

He may get in a flap about serving breakfast to the guests, when this happens, keep your head down, get on with your work and avoid eye contact.

He will spy on other B&Bs, then discuss his findings for the rest of the day.

He is very particular about his cleaning regime, if you mess this up it will be like swotting a wasp, you will only make him angrier.

Percy:

Percy is Michaels pet pheasant. Therefore he enjoys talking about and looking at Percy.  This can and will cause a problem when you are in the kitchen and Percy is in the garden. You will not be allowed to make noise and will have to crawl under the window, with the lights off to avoid the pheasant seeing you. As of now I have not found a way of dealing with Michaels obsession with that pheasant.  He also has a talent of calling Percy a ‘she’. Michael also will go out and feed Percy, even when he is unwell, this is not acceptable behaviour for a 52 year old man.

Eating times:

These vary depending on the day, but also if there are B&B guests staying.

·         Breakfast is usually when he gets up, or if there are B&B guests, it is around 10am, when the guests have left for the day.

·         Lunch is the most variable of the meals, this can occur from 12pm to 4pm depending on his work load for the day and whether there are guests. Please try not to feed him later than four as he won’t be hungry for his dinner.

·         Dinner usually happens between the hours of 6:30pm and 9pm.

·         Snacks happen when it is time to stop for tea.

·         Tea needs to be given to him throughout the day. NEVER feed a Michael coffee.

10 Places where Michaels glasses may be:

1.       The table next to where he sits on the sofa.

2.       In his pocket.

3.       In his camera bag.

4.       By the diary in the kitchen.

5.       In the car.

6.       On the big Welsh dresser.

7.       Down the side of the sofa.

8.       In the office.

9.       In one of his many coats.

10.   By/near his laptop.

Get Michael to check all of these places before you offer to help. DO NOT give him this list as he will lose it.

Do not start him on these topics as he will become grumpy about them:

1.       The government

2.       The houses of parliament voting system

3.       Grumpy people being grumpy

4.       Illogical things

5.       Made in Chelsea/TOWIE and other shows.

6.       Energy saving light bulbs.

7.       His kitchen being a mess.

8.       America. (namely the healthcare system)

Things that Michael needs to remember before he leaves the house:

1.       Wallet

2.       Keys

3.       Phone

4.       Camera (he once missed a picture of an owl because he forgot his camera, and then he would not shut up about it the rest of the day).

5.       Tripod (should always be in the car)

6.       Shopping list if applicable (if he loses this, tie it to a piece of string round his neck)

7.       Glasses

That being said, I have actually really really enjoyed my year at home.
Written by the long suffering daughter, Claire. 

CHEERS BIG EARS.

In the words of the great Churchillian leader, John Major........  "I'm still here".

To follow on from yesterday I am still lying in a hospital bed suffering from Cellulitis. Whilst this sounds like a condition involving too much fat on the thighs it is actually an infection of the skin, in my case and fairly commonly around the ear.  The effect is to cause the ear to appear as if it has been smashed about in a rugby scrum for the last 20 years. Additionally it is bright red and burning causing my face to swell and invoked a fever. So all in all not a lot of fun. I went on to Google to find a photo but none of them were close to how bad mine is so here it is.......

As you can see I have a very big ear, this is not because of the infection, I just have big ears. No, no, I'm lying, well I do have large ears but not this large. It looks like a trainee at Madame Tussauds has supplied the ear.

Oh and yes it is very painful but the pain killers do a pretty good job.

There are a lot of Surgeons roaming the ward in a hungry pack and seeing the guy in the corner bed with his two legs and a finger amputated I am of a mind not to take a nap just at this time.



The Boxer from yesterday has gone home now and the Polish guy next to me is stuffing M&M's into his mouth by the handful. Above him a sign reads "NIL BY MOUTH".  Elton John is sitting in a bed diagonally opposite to me, well he is a spitting image of him including the dodgy hair and he even sounds like him (but he is not singing).

The nurse is putting up a sign above a bed she has just prepared for a new patient, it has pictures of cakes on it and says "EXTRA SNACKS". I think I might carry out a quick swop when she goes.

Hospitals are just so surreal aren't they? So completely at odds to The Old Bakery or anybody's normality, especially when you are plucked away from that normality so unexpectedly. Everything is so alien, the surroundings, the regime and then the side effects of the drugs. I hate it here but thank god for what they do eh?


Throughout the day most of the other patients are having exercises with the Occupational Therapists. I'm feeling a little left out. Do they not do exercises for the ears then? Perhaps a wiggle or two.

For their convenience I have two IV pipes dangling from my arm so they can inject the three different penicillins into me. They have a tendency to dangle awkwardly and I have just reached across my soup to pick up the bread roll only to have them plop into my Leek and Potato soup. So the next batch of penicillin will be loaded with extra vitamins.

Back in the real world (The Old Bakery) Alison, Claire and Stephen have been holding the fort and looking after all the guests needs. This is particularly tough on Alison as she has worked a full week already and this should be her Bank Holiday weekend off. By all accounts the guests are really complimentary about their hospitality and they have even asked how I am doing and I won't even get to meet them now.

So like a child at bedtime it is now time for lights out and I am getting ready for the nightly bedpan stock-take at 2am.
I have just tuned into my old favourite the Hospital Radio and the presenter (not one of which can be under 70 years old, surely they should be in bed too) has just announced in that slow indecisive and slightly confused way....

"Thanks to errr Dan on ummm Dunstan ward who has asked for errr  (uncomfortably long pause), something from the Ted   Heath   Orchestra......."


Yeh, thanks very much Dan, thanks very much indeed!





Some other big ears that I recently photographed with his friend.........

A Red Legged Partridge and his pal a Hare near Hunworth

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