Oh my god the Ladybirds are coming!....

And despite Summers hazy lazy relaxed days,

Autumn takes over, slowly, subtlety in so many ways.

As indiscernible to perceive as the movement of a clock

whose hands steal our time away seemingly as still as a rock.

Don't be fooled by the resurgence of the rose,

It's colour and scent the essence of the garden prose.

Don't be fooled by the Ladybirds, Butterflies and Bees,

They'll all be gone soon and the message they send is but a tease.

The apples are dropping onto the dew dampened lawn,

whilst the herbaceous borders are looking weary and forlorn.

The Brambles are rotting and the silken cobwebs glisten in the cold sun,

It will not be long now, the signs are there that Summer is all but done.

So mow your last cut and prepare to battle the carpet

of brown, red and yellow leaves that will fall to mark it.

For Autumn is coming with more gust than you'll know

and tomorrow you'll be lighting your fire and comforting in the glow.

But don't be despondent all full of gloom and piteous sorrow

for there is always something to look forward for tomorrow.

The dappled sun through the conker coloured trees

and even the freshness of the oh so sharp breeze.

Filling that awkward gap between the yellow of the sun

and the cold frosty snow when we know winter has begun

Autumn serves us well and allows us to manage our seasonal shock

for whatever happens there is no stopping that slow, ticking hand of the seasonal clock.

M.Thomas

And so it is that Autumn has arrived and we have been forced into many tasks that I could really have preferred to have done just a few weeks later. Like the apple picking, one of our trees was so heavily weighed down and so many apples were jumping off in protest at not being picked that we just had to get on with it. So Claire and I set about gathering them all in and when we had finished we had over 110 lbs of fruit and a whole load of work cut out for us in the preservation of the apples.
We also had to ensure that we got our fire wood bought in and this was delivered and man handled to a temporary position in the garden , under a tarpaulin until I can build a proper wood store to move it to.
There is a massive amount of cob nuts and Hazelnuts and the Figs have gone into a frenzy of ripening, the Cox tree will need harvesting next so we are not finished in the garden by any means.



The garden looks really nice at the moment and today's warm sun added to that rustic rough edged beauty. The roses scent is particularly heady and some of the blooms are magnificent. 

But you can't be fooled into thinking the place is all at peace with the world for as I wondered through the garden I noticed that one of our many thousands of Ladybirds had been captured by a mean looking spider and the spider seemingly was sucking the Ladybird to death, quite, quite savage.

 




That night I went out to look at the jet black night sky. It was one of the best that I had seen since we have been here (and I've seen some good ones). There were just thousands of little pinpricks of light filling the whole vista of the dome-like sky. It honestly made me physically take in a breath as if I was trying to taste the star show for some mad reason. Simply astounding, I turned my body around and around on the spot desperately trying to engulf my self in its entirety which was (of course) just impossible as it was far too big to do so. I have not checked the following out and as such I am probably wrong but I saw two very distinctive planets, one was bright as a torch and I assumed it to be Venus and the other was far smaller and distinctly red (even with my bare eyesight) which I assume to be Mars. As I continued to walk around the dark garden in my socks I felt all gooey. This was not a sentimental sort of gooey. No. This was a "bugger", I've just trodden on a slug and its remnants are oozing through the weave of the sock kind of gooey!
At this point I went back in doors.


The next day I came across the said slug and it had the appearance that Clint Eastwood had indeed had his Day made with its head end blown away. Sitting on top of the remaining carcass and seemingly to be also sucking the juices of it up was this little, wouldn't say boo to a goose, Ladybird. I really did not see this insect as such a callous beast, but why should I categorise it in such a way I cannot say. I suppose that it normally looks so innocuous and they seem to love to walk over your hands and skin...... Oh my god the Ladybirds are coming!....

I have to lay some lino in the Annex bathroom soon and it is going to be a really awkward shape to cut as all the fixtures and fittings had to be put into position first so the concrete floor could dry. To assist me in laying this lino I decided that I would make a template out of newspapers first, cutting them all to size and shape in situ I then stuck them together with tape. When my knee is better at bending I shall take the paper up and place it on to the lino and cut out the right shape, hopefully!

But the ladies of the house have complained. Why?   Well it appears that I have not stuck all the newspapers in a position that they can all be read whilst,    er, how can I say this? Whilst they are sitting contemplating. The bloody cheek.


We went to Bookers Cash & Carry today and bought a massive sack of Broccoli for just £1.50 and a whole retail tray of mushrooms for just £3.50 and Claire has spent her day firstly making Apple & Rose-hip juice in bulk to turn into a jelly tomorrow and then she made Broccoli and Stilton soup by the gallon and followed by a massive crock of Mushroom soup. She has frozen this and we will use it for bird watchers that stay with us, filling our Thermoses so they can stay warm out on the reed marshes.

We are really pleased with the feedback from our customers and about 50% of them have actually written thank you letters back to us after they had got home! I don't think we have ever done that, although Alison always writes a good review on Trip Advisor site if the place was good. We are naturally really chuffed at this and although I will not write about customers as such I would like to share the last letter with you....


Dear Alison, Mike & Claire,

We just had to write to thank you for such a wonderful weekend. 
You thought of every little detail, we felt very spoilt.
Your breakfasts are delicious. We are missing your jams already!
We wish you great success with your B&B, it is a little bit of Heaven!


Best wishes from a very relaxed ......


Yes it is probably a bit big headed to reprint it, but we are just so pleased that the people who have come here are so generous with their praise, one couple even over paid us because they enjoyed it so much!
Here's hoping that we can continue in the same way......

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You have to admire that individual zip, that quirky approach to life and business ........ you can either enjoy the joke and enjoy life a little bit more or be a boring conformist and just believe that you are enjoying life.

Following on from my operation on my knee on Monday I have had to rest the leg to let the swelling go down and the cuts heal. So Alison has kindly taken the week off to be there for me and also to keep the momentum of the decorating going so we have a chance to meet our deadlines.

Claire, my Daughter, has also been making sure that I stick to the regime of rest by stealing my walking stick and locking me in the house. She is, like her mother, a formidable person and whilst I may sometimes push the boundaries with the both of them I am both old enough and wise enough to know when I am beat and this time I am most certainly beat.

So whilst I make the best of lazing around Claire has been looking after the more domestic of arrangements and Alison has concentrated her efforts on the annex decoration. The house is not massive but big enough that Alison has been working in a fair amount of isolation whilst she has painted all the window frames and ledges a fresh gloss white alone with just the fumes of the paint to keep her company punctuated only by the familiar odour of white spirit. I'm not suggesting she is an alcoholic (although she does like that odd glass of wine) but she certainly needs the white spirit as she is more than generous with where she leaves trails of white gloss.

I have spent my time this week sorting out photographs from my years and years of photography to put into a display book with a view to selling some, creating a sort of catalogue if you please. This may well be a bit too presumptuous of me but I am an 'entrepreneur' now and I need to start thinking that way if we are to survive on our own.

I do not intend to pressure any of my guests into buying anything but merely place an option to do so in a subtle way in front of them. I may even have pictures on the wall with a discrete price tag on as is so popular in many cafes and restaurants. I am not and will never be a Dell Boy or a Thenardier who is a guest house owner (in the Les Miserables musical ) of great disrepute. The guy would not hesitate to rip off his own grandmother and uses every trick in the book to fleece his guests......

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Lyrics by Herbert Kretzmer

Cripes, now I think about it maybe that is me!

I used to love putting signs up to try to flog extra items in my smaller Supermarkets where you could get away with a bit of cheek.
Like

"Com'on You know you fancy some Crumpet this weekend" 

or 

"Our Butcher has the Best Sausage in town, ask him..." 

It was all done in the worst possible taste and despite its crassness those double entendres genuinely got extra sales as people loved to play along. You can't do signs like that any more, you can' have fun any more. It has all been legislated and policied out of life, the corporate business is trying to take over the world and in so doing is smothering the life out of its best asset, its people.

When we were in America there was a small town on the West coast called Port Townsend and it was simply full of shops and businesses with my sort of signage on the windows.

Like this literally cheeky sign...

 Or this.....

And even the boring old 'Closed' sign was approached from a different angle.

A year later and we are on the East coast in an equally remote area, this time in a place called Boothbay harbor, New England. Here the shop demonstrates its relaxed opening hours. I especially love the fact that it is presented on a special little picture frame hanging on the front door....

You have to admire that individual zip, that quirky approach to life and business that says I'm different but this is who I am, so you can either enjoy the joke and enjoy life a little bit more or be a boring conformist and just believe that you are enjoying life..

Across the road from us is a bus shelter. We have two buses in the village but don't get too excited, remember we are in the deepest depths of Norfolk and when I say we have two buses I don't mean two buses a day. No we have two buses a WEEK!  And.. they don't even go to the same place. One of them turns up on Wednesday and will take you to Norwich, but you will need to be on time for the return journey because if you miss it you'll not be able to catch it again until a week later!
The other leaves on Thursdays to go the our local market town of Fakenham, once again you need to ensure that you are at the bus stop for the return trip 'cause you won't see that bus again for another week. We live on the edge here I can tell you.
So anyway in the bus shelter we have all the village notices on a large board covered by a locked glass frontage. It has the parish meeting minutes, info on keep fit events, charities and local social thingys. All squarely placed,tightly in line with the bit of A4 next to it. Right in the middle of the board, at a jaunty 45 degree angle, quite at odds with all the formalities around it there is a small sign that simply says "Be interesting put signs at an angle". That was its one and only message, it had no other purpose in life but to be a sign telling people to be different, break the rules a bit, you don't have to conform. A message that reached out to my own heart and soul.

I wanted to check the exact words and so I have just nipped across the road to check and the sign and someone has almost completely covered it up by placing a Blood Donor A4 poster parallel and regimented in the same way as all the others on the board. Another cry for freedom from a like minded person crushed.

Brothers, we will fight on regardless .......





2,399

I had developed the brightest beetroot rash that I had ever seen..... and far more concerning it was heading towards my groin and associated 'man parts'.

And suddenly, after 10 months of refurbishing and general DIY and with only a couple of weeks worth of work left to do in the Annex everything came to an abrupt halt for me.

On Monday I finally had my operation for a torn cartilage in my knee. As I mentioned previously, I had this self same operation way back last October and was recovering to such a degree that I had actually forgotten that I had even suffered prior to that operation. Then wallop! One naked lady incident and 3 doctors later and here I was with a freshly torn cartilage. I was told by 3 Doctors and a Physiotherapist (or Physio-terrorists as my father in-law so aptly phrases it) that I had bad arthritis and all they could prescribe were exercises to minimise the effects. FINALLY, after I found the 'right' GP (ie the GP that told me what I wanted her to!) I was given an MRI scan and a torn cartilage was clearly diagnosed.
Of course there is a severely heightened likelihood now that I will suffer from arthritis as a result of a year with a torn cartilage, and you know that those Doctors will say, I told you it was arthritis!


I have only had the one operation before, well that is not true as I had an operation on my ankle but that was done under local anaesthetic so I could watch the action. It was a bit like watching the Hand car wash guys (except the surgeon was English) as they give your car a thorough clean and being able to point out that they have missed a bit here or smudged a bit there. "Should that bit be bleeding as much as that?".
In truth although they thought I was not able to see the gory details they had such a polished chrome light fitting that I actually had a pretty good view and could see every cut (that's the Surgeons, NOT the car wash guys).

I prefer being put to sleep for the operation, especially compared to that ankle op. which necessitated 9 injections to numb the foot. NINE!      AND THEN they had to come back and do another as I failed the pin prick test, ie I felt the pin when they pricked me and so with that and the extra injection they assaulted my foot 11 times. I might just as well have gone to an acupuncturist to sort it out!    AND.... I think it was injection number 7 or 8 that accidentally hit the main nerve directly. They were not meant to have done that and it felt like they stuck a thousand volts up the core of my leg. I physically jerked about a foot backwards and let our a very manly yelp. Well I thought it was fairly manly for a yelp. I don't think it did much for the other patients waiting to be prep'd just outside the room!

So yes, I prefer to be knocked out on operations now but that is not to say that I don't have misgiving on that front either, I mean it's not really natural is it? Letting someone that you have only just met put you to sleep. Well OK Ming Campbell would be the exception there should you be so unfortunate as to meet him on a bus.
I'm ok with it all in principle, until I get to that little room where they prep your hand for the injection. It is about then that I start making connections to those poor blighters on death row. Then I can't get it out of my head that if they give me the wrong dosage now, well.... that's it, Goodnight Vienna. Then I wonder to myself, do they swab the injection area with antiseptic prior to injecting the inmates, because there is a definite saving to be made there if they do....
The next thing I know is that I am waking up in the recovery room with an hour of my life missing and only the nurses word that anyone has even done anything to me.
After the nurse gave me the once over I sneaked a peek at my leg to check that a) they had actually done something, albeit just to make some superficial cuts and bandage them up, and b) that they had done this on the correct leg, which they seemed to have managed.

BUT HOLD ON A SECOND.... What has happened to my leg?    OH,   MY,    GOD.    I had developed the brightest beetroot rash that I had ever seen. The rash had spread rapidly down to my ankle and far mor concerning was heading towards my groin and associated 'man parts'.
"Nurse", in an un-panicked, Panicked sort of way...
"Nurse", a little firmer and yet with only a hint of concern.....
"NURSE!"

She was a very understanding nurse and I feel that she clearly realised that I was still under the effects of the anaesthetic. Yes, yes, of course, it's obvious now that the leg was painted with a red antiseptic to prevent infection.

Red Leg with rather helpful pointy arrow to give the surgeon that added sense of confidence

Before you say what a chubby leg! May I point out that it is swollen as a result of the operation and that in general I have rather good looking legs, especially when they are non-beetroot coloured.

So then they chuck you back to your ward and every nurse that pops in has only one true interest in you...
Have you had a pee yet. I have no idea how often they check this personal detail. It is years since I gave up telling my mum that I was going to the toilet every time I went and even then I only told her in case I went missing in action, taken by the bogey man who lived behind the toilet bowl. There is clearly a check list of stages accomplished that needs to be ticked off before they will let you go home. Number one is have you woken up and Number two is have you done a 'number 1' yet? They never seem to worry about if you achieve a number 2 as they starved you for so many hours prior to the operation that their expectations on this are low.

For the next hour, in between drinking as much water as I could I had nurses pop in and out like comics from Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In (If you're younger than me check You-Tube) with quick 'one liners'. Then came the Physioterrorist closely followed by the Pharmacist chucking white coloured smarties at me after clarifying if I had spent a penny yet.
At some point the anaesthetist popped in to show off how well he did, this being proven by the fact that I was still alive to acknowledge his presence. I wasn't really sure what was etiquette here. I mean do I clap to show my appreciation or perhaps (and if I was wrong on this it might be an awkward moment) do I tip him? Actually now I think of it I should have tipped him before the operation, somewhat like a Queen would tip the guy with the axe before being beheaded. No it was too late to tip him now, so I just thanked him for not letting me die.


Then the Surgeon pops in. Well you can't be caught dozing when the 'Specialist' visits you, actually you've got to be damn careful not to be blinking when they visit as their visit is almost done on the hoof.
"Hello Mr.... Howyoudoin? I choppedthis,this,thisandthisoutofyou.Definitelyatear,I'veneateneditallup,hasthephysiotherapistseenyou?Yes,goodandthe pharmacistgivenyouyourmedication?Excellent,okanyquestions?No,good, OH have you had a pee yet? (Only the cleaners left to check this with me now) No.OKwell tellthenursewhenyouhave.Allthebest,goodbye...... And he is gone like the fast train that doesn't stop at your station and in which the safest thing to do is stand back from the platform and hold on to your hat!

He left me with some photographs which at first I took to be some photos from the Hubble Telescope, there's Jupiter and is that one of its moons (we'll leave the jokes about Uranus out, because...
Uranus always makes me smile!).

By the way I'm really sorry to those of you that have tuned in to read a Blog about the renovation and setting up of a B&B in deepest darkest Norfolk. I guess you've just got screwed.

But don't despair I do occasionally return to the point at some time in the week, so just keep checking eh......

For the ones that like the Gory bits, the photo below shows the tear. The Fibula is the white bowling ball on the top and the Tibia is the white ball below. It would appear that the cold front blowing in from the Atlantic with its rough edge is the flap of cartilage that has caused me all the grief. And the other pictures show, well, um, erm, well stuff.

It was 4 o'clock and my driver was due soon so I called the nurse and explained that I needed a pee. I was told to ensure that I called the nurse first, I hoped that this was to check me getting out of bed and not to check if I achieved the infamous number 1 by watching over me, because if there was one way to delay things, believe you me that would have been it. I didn't really want to go but everyone had shown so much interest it seemed a shame to let everyone down and frankly I was concerned that the gardener kept looking at me through the window and I felt it was only a matter of time before he too would enquire!





2,384

The Birds and the Bees........

 THE BIRDS

I have never, ever, ever (not to labour the point but..) EVER, NEVER seen so many Ladybirds in my life before as I have seen this year in our garden.
 The word would be a plague if it was any other beetle but this creature is too beautiful and far too friendly to be considered a pest. They seem just to want to be attached to you and frequently over the last month one or another of us has had to point out to the other person "you have a Ladybird on your leg", arm, bum or wherever! I could guarantee that I could find a Ladybird within 60 seconds if required. I mowed the lawn a few days back and I must have stopped 4-5 times to rescue one in my mowers path. At one point I noticed a Ladybird was up side down on top of the mower, which is problematic enough for the little beasts, and the vibrations of the mower were sending the poor little blighter all over the machine. I soon rescued it, but it must have been so disorientated. Why did God design it to be non-self righting ? It seems such a cruel thing to do, I mean it's quite an advantage if it should fall into a river, a buoyant little boat on your back and all, BUT falling into the river cannot be the only hazard they are likely to encounter and quite possibly one of the lesser ones I should think.
As we separated the Hazel nuts from the casings Ladybirds would drop out left, right and centre and if we were working on one of the round Cafe style tables on the patio they would start out on an epic journey. We have discovered (through very little research) that Ladybirds do NOT have any understanding of the concept of circular. They immediately start off on a hike along the edge of the table, which is round, and it is not long before they come right past where they had set out from only minutes earlier, clearly believing that they have made great inroads in their quest to get away. It's all rather pathetic so we invariably break the golden rule of nature and interfere squashing them to a pulp with the palm of our hand.!  No, no, just kiddin' you see the thing with Ladybirds is everyone loves them, they are just so endearing so we rescue them, carefully letting them walk onto our fingers (which they do so obligingly) then ever so gently cajoling them onto a leaf in the herbaceous border.
When does anyone ever do that with the big black beetles or even a spider?

No, the Ladybird can plague my garden anytime.

THE BEES

A good year for the Bee this, and hence pollination was good too. My apple trees are a glowing sign of this as we have pointed out on previous blogs the branches are literally weighed down to the ground with fruit. I'm not really sure if my tomatoes rely on bees to pollinate them (I really should know this as I've been growing toms for over 25 years) but if so then they have done a Stirling job because I have had a ton of fruit. The only problem now is that the plants are beginning to die off and the boughs are totally full of tomatoes. Green tomato chutney seems likely to be on the cards, may be my guests would like some with their breakfast.

THE SPIDERS

A few weeks back I wrote about the day we 'foraged' for plums. Well on the way back we had earwigs, spiders and beetles clambering out of the bags full of fruit. My car was busier than the London Zoo insect house.                                     Now it came to pass that as I drove home I had an itch, on my chest. It was nothing major, just a simple irritating itch, which I assumed was as a result of a scratch by a thorn or an insect bite. However, as the weeks went on this itch didn't go away and during this week it became such a problem that the surrounding muscles started to ache when I moved my arm. So my daughter, sick of listening to me whine, blackmailed me into booking a doctors appointment by refusing to make me any cups of tea until I did so. She really knows where to hit a fellow!    Now I didn't fancy going to the Doctor because it all seems so petty as there is nothing to see, just a small lump and I elected to visit the nurse instead, after all they would be far more gentle.....                                                Not so, she took a ruddy big needle and noticing that the skin was unbroken, she set out wholeheartedly remedy that situation, stabbing the needle into my lilly-white, alabaster, beautiful skin and slightly hairy chest.                                  "Ooouch"! I expressed my discomfort in my manly way. Well there's definitely something in there she reassured me. Yes your bloody great needle I muttered to myself.... "Arrrghhh", I continued to give her valuable feed back as she wiggled the needle around like she was trying to pluck out a winkle from it's shell.  I seem to attract the more rigorous of nurses, the ones that have had their own flinching  reflexes by passed and in this lady I felt their was a determination that came from deep inside- that's deep inside of me! I gasped loudly as she must have hit the hidden foe and with this she withdrew the BP oil well drilling mission, simply stating that quite a lot of pus has come out. Pus! That's not pus, that was my very soul oozing out. So she stuck a sticky thing on the wound that apparently "draws things out", what like your bloody needle, I thought. So now where I had skin, I have a hole, and blood, and pain.... but luckily I'm not one of those guys that makes a drama out of it.

You may wonder what this has to do with spiders, well nothing really, I just thought that I had been lacking in photos on the site recently and it was a good photo of a spider. Actually, no. Now I remember... Horse chestnuts!

Apparently Horse Chestnuts, conkers to you and me, keep spiders at bay, so Claire says and so she has hidden conkers all around the house. The first I know about it is whilst hoovering the hoover will suddenly make a sound as if it was about to launch into orbit and I find I have a conker stuck up my nozzle. AND BELIEVE ME YOU DO NOT WANT A CONKER UP YOUR NOZZLE!

Another Bee photo because I like it.

2,310

The Badger is now deflating and frankly whilst there is little or no danger of it exploding.....

Autumn has definitely arrived, with high winds harvesting our apples, figs and hazelnuts for us. Every day we are picking up the windfalls and we have about 7lbs of Cob Nuts, at least 8lb of Apples and many figs.

So as we head out into the blustery day we are only too aware of the cat curling up, all cosy like, into a ball of fur on a plump pile of Alison's quilts with just one eye on the proceedings outside.
       She has got it so easy, she really does.

Having gathered all this produce Claire has had to work really hard to turn some of it into jams. She has used the Apples with some Rose hips to make a delicate jelly style jam which is delicious and our blackberries have been mixed with Sloes and a little bit of Port (which I won in a village raffle).

I have found that the nuts make a smashing little evening nibbles if roasted in butter in the microwave for about 6 minutes, stirring about half way through. Really tasty.

Alison and I spent all day yesterday decorating in the annex bathroom and kitchen and it is looking good. Once again I am with-holding pictures now until we do the 'Big Reveal!' but we are fairly comfortable with progress. Our deadline is the 9th of October for ALL the annex renovations to have been completed as on the 10th we are having two of the Thursford show cast members renting the rooms up to Christmas. The pressure is on...



We purchased the living room carpet and a washer/dryer machine today along with the Bathroom and the kitchen floor coverings and have been looking at Ikea sofas. Claire and I love the Ikea product names, it just seems that they make them up by tossing a handful of scrabble letters onto a table and sees what pops up. If you have ever played Boggle you'll understand that this would be the perfect tool to 'create' Ikea names. Simply put the lid on the Shaker turn it upside own and give it a jolly good old shake, then turn it upright again and see how many Ikea names you can invent....... BJÖRKEN (didn't she shout a lot from Iceland?) or you may get a SKUBB, or LEKSVIK, ALÄNG,  or a ASPELUND, or even a BUMERANG! Not sure if Bumerang is appropriate language when selling a product, but don't blame me for the way these names sound.   No. For all of the names above are genuine names of products sold in Ikea and YOU may well own it! So we'll probably end up buying a DINKYWINKZ or a GHOTK or a PHARTZ. Ha, Ha! I made you say the word phartz! Tee he he.

The Badger is now deflating and frankly whilst there is little or no danger of it exploding I still intend to avoid it as the stench is worse than shaking hands with a vet who happens to have one of those elbow length blue gloves on and it is wet! The tractors are rumbling through the village just at the moment bringing in the harvest which is mainly potatoes just now. When Claire and I were out 'foraging' on our bikes we were also on the look out for fallen goodies. By that I don't mean Tim Brooke-Taylor or Bill Oddie who have disgraced themselves, no, no, not at all! No, what I mean is the Potatoes or, as last year, Onions and carrots which fall to the road as the overloaded trailers bounce along, we had quite a harvest last year including a Sugar Beet!  Does anyone know what to do with a sugar Beet?

We have more guests on Tuesday night and so on Monday Claire and I are preparing for them. It was a few days after writing my Hotel Inspector Blog that I found out from Alison that during the many boring Blaa, blaa, blaa moments on his feedback we were also told that we were only 3% short of a 5 Star rating and that our Bathroom, breakfast, Dining room and my hospitality ALL achieved a 5 star (top) rating. Still at the end of the day it is more what the customer says and so we will see how we get on with the couple arriving on Tuesday.

So as summer is given a swift punch to the gut and Winter waits on the side lines planning to cost me an arm and a leg in heating bills we sit out the rain storms and lay our trust in the magical rainbow force field that covers and protects The Old Bakery.......... I think I might have had a likkle bit tooooo mucshhh wine tonight......
Goood nights...                                                                                                                       Hic!

2,283

That, I decided, is the last time that I'm going to assist a Surgeon with a dead Deer.

Yesterday Claire and I went foraging. Firstly we foraged in the Fakenham auction and I obtained another Singer sewing machine for our collection for just £17, then I bought a de-humidifier for £3.  I love the look of the Singer sewing machines, engineering wise they demonstrate Britain at her best and are very pleasant to look at. Alison is planning on carrying out some Quilting workshops and so the machines will come in handy then but in the mean time I am displaying them on the living room window sills. This machine was made between 1910 and 1920.

The de-humidifier is to help dry out the Annex bathroom which is prone to condensation and was another great buy at just £3.

Then in the afternoon we went foraging for more fruit for our jams as I want to create a unique breakfast Preserves menu that my guests can choose from some 15 to 20 jams and jellies. Eventually I hope to sell extra jars to them if they liked what they had for breakfast. I hadn't set that up yet as it will take a year to build up stocks but already I had some guests ask for a jar of our Wild Golden Mirabelle Plumb jam.
Claire and I are trying to make some of the more unusual jams and it was with this in mind that we got on our bikes and peddled around the local country lanes seeking out produce.

We succeeded in gathering Blackberries, Sloes, Rose-hips and thorns in our fingers, wrist and arms! Our hands were a patchy purplely orange. We set back with our goodies to make jam. Claire ended up making the juice today (as I was decorating the Annex) and we will turn that juice into the preserve tomorrow once it has dripped through the Muslin bags that are currently hanging from one of the kitchens wooden beams.
I am sure that Claire wil fill you in with more detail in her Blog at :-   www.thepasturetimes.blogspot.com

Now get this.... one of our biggest problems in being able to sell jams is that the empty glass jars cost, at the best price that we have found, 39p each. However from looking at the internet Alison found a way of getting them much cheaper but perhaps not ethically.....
So off I went to Morrisons and after a few minutes research we selected 6 jars of Morrisons 'Value' pack Lemon curd at only 22p each. I got home and ditched the contents of four of them (keeping two for a Lemon Meringue pie) and washed them all in with the dishwasher. They cleaned up a treat with the labels simply slipping off. The jar lids are generic without any branding on them and all that requires moving (but not essential) is the date code typed on. I was let down by the old Grocers trick of removing dates by spraying hairspray onto them, which used to dissolve them instantly to a runny ink again. No, this time we had to use Claire's nail polish remover.
So that is the cheapest way to buy and obtain a quantity of empty glass jars on the cheap!

Tomorrow we should beable to add two more jams to our menu:

1. Blackberry and Sloe jam

2. Apple (from our garden) and Rose hip jelly

Along with the

3. Fig jam we made yesterday from Fresh Figs from our garden.


People have been foraging for as longs as they have known what is edible out there, it's not stealing unless it is from a plant in some ones garden. Our Golden plumbs are actually by Royal Appointment, well kind of as they come from a car park owned by 'The Crown' and I know that in this case it is not The Crown Pub!
There is a danger of overstepping the mark and I was given a swift reprimand from Claire when we were unable to obtain some Spinach from Morrisons for a specific recipe and I simply suggested that we 'gathered' some leaves from a vast field full of the stuff that we were just passing.
She also tells me that foraging for loose Pigs from the fields is not the done thing either!

That said I can recall many, many years ago my Store Manager in one of the branches of Fine Fare Supermarkets asked me to go and collect a Deer from a surgeon. The story goes that he had knocked it down whilst driving and had asked if our butcher could turn it into joints etc. Well our guy was not keen to do this, especially as it had not been purged yet (bled of its blood and also the guts and stomach etc removed). BUT the brother of our cash office person run a local butchers so it was arranged that I should go and collect the beast from the surgeon and take it to the butchers, returning it in a more user friendly state to the surgeon a few days later.

So I get to the Hospital and ask for the surgeon. Now I kid you not on this next bit, the surgeon appeared in his full green surgeon garb, WITH BLOOD CLEARLY ON HIS ROBE AND HIS FACE MASK HANGING BELOW HIS CHIN and he gives me his car keys pointing out his car and telling me that the Deer was in the boot and to give his keys back to the lady on reception!

The anticipation of what I was going to find within that boot was, I have to admit a little unnerving. Eventually, having reversed my old Hillman Avenger up to his Mercedes I tentatively unlocked the boot and slightly opened it fully expecting a mass of antlers to cascade out of it. Nothing so far, so I opened it a little more, then a bit further until I could see a beautiful little Bambi laying in the trunk, quite dead. I thought the best method was to grab it by its feet and with the hind feet in the left hand and the front feet in the right hand I took a quick look around, to check no one was observing me,  and lifted with all my might swinging the animal around to my boot and dropping it in. The head flopped outside the car and the tongue flopped out of the head just as a dog does when they are able to stick their heads out of the car window. I had to man handle the animal so that I could squeeze the head in. It did not look very dignified.

As I looked at the forlorn creature I saw two fairly roundish holes and whilst I am no accident expert. Well that is not true after several car crashes and road kills that include many pigeons (one even exploded on impact when it hit my bike carrier, I have never seen so many feathers), a robin (although in truth that was more consumed by my car as I found it right inside the engines air filter), a blue Tit (which must have flown straight into my front grill and it still had its wings fully open , I caught it mid-flight), a cat (very sad about that and a story for another day), and two Deers (the second of which hit with such impact that Claire could not get out of the car on her side and the animal quite literally flew some 8' high and over a hedge).

Where was I?  Oh yes I'm no expert on accidents involving animals......  Well I wasn't then, back in the 80's but I suspect that the Deer didn't quite meet its end as described.  However I delivered the Deer to the butcher and a few days later the Venison back to the Surgeon. And... after all that all I got was a thank you not even a bloody joint of Venison! That, I decided, is the last time that I'm going to assist a Surgeon with a dead Deer.

And do you know what? I have stuck with that promise for the last 25 years!

THANK YOU

Today the Hotel Inspector called, unannounced, in fact it was yesterday as he stayed the night. I managed NOT to do the Basil Fawlty thing of completely screwing up the visit.

After he announced himself this morning he then proceeded to give a fairly long feed back, which frankly I think Alison Claire and I was letting wash over us as ALL we really truly wanted to know ASAP was how many stars we had achieved. We had set our pitch at 4 stars, with 5 being the highest.

Blaa, blaa, blaa, excellent dining room, blaa, blaa, excellent bathroom, blaa, blaa, blaa, blaa (my attention taken away by the desperate need to know what we had achieved), blaa, blaa, excellent breakfast, special award, blaa, blaaa, 4 star, blaa blaa, blaa, blaa, STOP!

Rewind a little..... just to clarify then we have achieved .......


****  a 4 STAR rating  and a SPECIAL AWARD for our breakfast of which there are only a handful given out in Norfolks B&B's...

Yee-Haaa!


We are really pleased that the model we have formulated, then created then adjusted or tweaked is spot on. We have had great feedback over the last 8 weeks or so from our guests and only today Claire found this review by two of our guests on the AA site itself;-

http://www.theaa.com/bed-and-breakfasts/hindolveston-the-old-bakery-bb-2632285#user_reviews

This has been very much in line with the verbal feed back that we have been given, but all the better that someone has taken the time to write such a complimentary review.

We want to thank all of you that have been a part of this vision, those that helped financially, those who assisted with the test drives, those who helped with the marketing, displaying posters, leaflets and distributing business cards, the technical assistance with the web-site etc, those that have assisted with the more physical stuff like decorating and those that made a point to simply visit us right up here in darkest Norfolk. You have all been so supportive and we just want to say a massive THANK YOU.

Now we are concentrating on the Annex which is really beginning to look like a holiday cottage. In addition to the work done last weekend we have now painted about 50% of the Kitchen & Bathroom, had the plumbing installed and are about to have the electrics completed.

So all in all we are in a 'good place' morale wise but we still have a lot to do and in just two weeks I am to have an operation on my knee as I have a torn cartilage that needs fixing and has not been the best of things to be suffering from whilst decorating. You may remember that this injury came as a result of chasing the naked lady.....

http://theoldbakery.blogspot.com/2011/01/day-i-chased-naked-woman-down-our.html


Again many thanks to everyone concerned.... You know who you all are.....

We had hit an all time low when I stood at the end of an aisle holding a long, long bit of twine, the other end of which was attached to a stick which was holding a box up and under the box was a pile of bread crumbs.

One of the last jobs that the builder had to complete was to make good a water damaged beam which actually had only affected the plaster around the beam.

He removed the offending plaster and then had to proceed with the removal of a further large quantity of debris.

The plaster was minimal, but the unscheduled debris was far greater. It had filled a void between two long steel girders and whilst it was hard to see how it got there the clue was probably the large mouses nest that we found. Just to be clear we found a large nest that belonged to several mice as opposed to a nest that belonged to one singularly large mouse. I am used to mice, as a pest, and have encountered them on many occasions but to date I have yet to meet a large mouse although I have had encounters with rats which I suppose are large mice!
I remember sitting in the car park in Crawley which is now where the new Library sits, waiting to pick up my daughter from work, and watching some 6 to 8 large rats foraging around the recycling area. This was right next to a path where loads of people were returning from the shops and it was most amusing to see the beasts scamper off and hide literally just 2 foot away from the clip clopping high heals of young ladies. I was sure that they would scream to high heaven if they realised just how close they were to so many rats. Then as soon as they passed the rats came straight back out from under the bush and in plain sight of these girls, if only they had turned and looked, the rats continued their foraging.
Only a few times in my career did we actually get infested with mice in any of my stores and it was NEVER nice. One store had so many that a customer would report one every other hour. They had come in, after a refit, through many old drainage holes (the mice that is, not the customers who actually came in via the conventional method of the front door).  After many weeks we thought we had found the hub of their activity, not unsurprisingly in the Bakery. I wanted to take the Bakery ovens apart as this was where they seemed to be nesting. Well not many believed that they could nest in a climate where the temperature hit 450 degrees and so they reluctantly agreed and the Female Area Manager turned up to oversee this check. Well the Oven engineer undid several bolts and just as he was about to remove the back plate of this bread oven, very suddenly a mouse fell to the floor and scampered away before you could hardly blink. Then another, and another, and three, four, five, six.... we lost count at this point as they run in every direction, many straight out into the shop whilst customers walked over them. I pointed out that my Area Manager was female only to disprove that all females are wimps when it comes to mice on the loose. She simply stood there watching the mice raining down and when they had all gone and the vast network of tunnels in the oven insulation foam was exposed she simply said "Yep, I guess that's where they're coming from" and pulled out her mobile phone to call the hygiene team at Head Office.

You get all sorts of pests in the Supermarket (not just the customer variety), take birds for instance. They have no idea how they got into the alien environment of a Supermarket and more importantly are clueless when it comes to escaping. More often than not they'll see a vista of freedom ahead of them and fly towards the parade of shops and sky, that they can see in the distance, with a great keenness and then wallop! They crash head first at full throttle straight into a pane of glass, knock themselves out cold and fall to the ground where if you are quick you can gather the fluff balls up, take them outside and when they wake up they fly off, not very straight as you would imagine with the mother of all headaches!

I have had several pigeons pop into stores, I'm not sure what attracts them but my gut feeling is that a group of bored teenagers probably see a pigeon minding its own business just in front of the automatic doors and then the wicked thoughts come into their not so innocent minds and with a little pincer move and a tad of vocal encouragement the bird is persuaded into our temple of light. Anyway that's what I'd have done at that age if the opportunity had presented itself!

So now we have a pigeon flapping around as free as a bird and yet trapped in the strange fluorescent surroundings that is a supermarket. More often than not a small posse of staff armed with snow shovels, brooms and such like would coalesce to get the bird through the front or back doors. Often looking like a scene from Dads Army there was a comic element as the troop with 'weapons' held high above their heads, would all run from one end of the store to the other chasing a confused bird. Then no sooner had they got to the other end and the bird would set off again back to whence she had come closely pursued by the tactical team.
Frequently half way across a customer would stop one of the pigeon chasers, whom would still have said snow shovel held high above his head, to ask "Did you know that you've got a Pigeon in here?" The temptation to say something none virtuous was, for the most part, suppressed and a thank you for that golden nugget of information was expressed, whilst in the background you may have seen the mob running past the end of the aisle as the sound of a low flying bomber pigeon (for they often dropped little liquidy bombs) flapped just above the customers head.


It was one such event where the evening was closing in and the pigeon had run everyone a merry dance that things were getting desperate, as were the ideas. I felt that we had hit an all time low when I stood at the end of an aisle holding a long, long bit of twine, the other end of which was attached to a stick which was holding a box up and under the box was a pile of bread crumbs. Surely this was never going to work and yet do you know what? That's right it didn't, the pigeon never even visited it.
Finally the store closed at the end of the evening and I had a rebirth of determination. I had noticed that it was showing signs of tiredness and also that it kept returning to the same hanging sign to roost. It was way to high to reach but I brought out the massive warehouse steps and as quiet as a mouse holding a twelve foot squeeky set of metal steps I cunningly approached the beast from behind. I then took my shoes off and started a slow tippy toe climb up the ladder towards the bird. One thing was for sure I'd either be the King of the Pigeon Trappers or the biggest loser since Napoleon took on Wellington at Waterloo. Step by step I got closer & closer. The silent determination received a sudden jolt as the front door bell rang out and I gained an audience of Night staff wondering why their Manager was half way up a ladder, in his socks and moving at a snails pace, furthermore he was totally ignoring the door bell. Just as I got to the pigeon all that they could see of me now was my feet, they thought I was barking mad. The pigeon was oblivious of my presence, just a foot to go now and I hesitated, gathered my thoughts, run through a rehearsal in my mind of how I'd pounce and made a mental note that they are bony buggers and that I would have to hold it tight. Three, Two, One, GO!   Gotcha. And I did too!  I actually managed to catch a perching pigeon some 15 foot of the ground with my bare hands.

The door bell was now ringing with some impatience, but the look on the Night Crews faces through the window as I came down the ladder was just sublime as they realise I had just caught a pigeon. They thought, apparently, that I had caught it in mid flight, now how cool would that have been?



So anyway the plaster knocked off, the beams were exposed, much debris fell to the ground, including the said mouses nest, beams re-plastered and Bobs your Uncle and Nellies your Aunt!

2,213

I would rather take my chances with the tractors than risk the wrath of an exploding Badger.

Last weekend we were joined by some friends from Sussex whom selflessly travelled up to spend their Bank Holiday weekend decorating one of the Annex bedrooms. The Annex, to remind you, is a small cottage attached to our main house which we are trying to bring into the 21st Century with an aim to using as a holiday let. Last decorated in the 70's, just like the house, this building needs a complete refurbishment, especially the kitchen and bathroom.

So it was very uplifting to obtain a boost in the form of extra help on the project and at the end of their stay we had one bedroom fully re-decorated, from scratch, and the tricky cutting of a kitchen worktop completed along with several kitchen units made.

The room as we first found it when we bought the house, notice the raised floor.

When the raised floor was removed prior to its levelling re-build.

Thanks Shirley, Graham and Matthew (who kept Stephen, our son, out of the way and also managed to paint too).

On Monday the Plumber returns to install all the items that he has created the pipework for. He has left the heated towel rail off the wall and radiators etc so that I could decorate behind them and so far I have only managed to do the tiling where the shower is to be fitted. Still, there is another two days before he arrives, so I feel sure that we will have it all done..... I think.

The milder weather has returned but there is an Autumnal smell in the air and it is clear that Summer is on its way out. I am sitting in the garden writing this and I can see the apple trees weighed down with fruit. We are also getting to grips with our first harvest of Figs. We have not had a Fig tree before and these things are quite alien to us. So far none of us have been over impressed with the flavour, which seems a little bland, but then we can't see the allure of raw Oysters either, I guess we are just philistines. We are assured that the fresh Fig is to die for if cooked with a strong blue cheese like Gorgonzola and I aim to try this out soon.

The lanes are busy with tractors. For the last few days massive trailers have been passing our house full of potatoes. I have not been on my bike for the last two or even three months and I don't plan to whilst these monsters are driving about. There is a dead Badger just out side the village, don't get me wrong I'm not a vet by any means and I only make the diagnosis from fairly basic clues such as it is laying on its back with all four of its stubby little legs pointing skywards. Also it has been in this position for 4 to 5 days although, I suppose, it may just be a coincidence that every time I drive by it just so happens that this Badger sees me coming and plays dead at the exact same spot each time. However the fact that every time I see it the beast has swollen a little bit more suggests that my original diagnosis is correct. It has swollen so much now that its tummy looks like a drum and you know that any minute now this thing is going to blow. I think I would rather take my chances with the tractors than risk the wrath of an exploding Badger and so if I do go cycling again then I will avoid the Badger lane.