THE DAY THE TELEPHONE MAN CAME

Today was painting day, there are quite a lot of 'painting days' at the moment and my once grey hair now has interesting freckles of 'Sicilian Summer' and 'Roasted Red' with just a hint of 'Clotted Cream' for contrast. My decorating clothes however, being liberally spread with such specks, do make me appear like the genuine thing and all I need is the white van, a ladder and an attitude, then I'd be in business.
So being tied to the walls, means that I am able to get engineers in at any time and having had a Broadband speed that was put to shame by Pigeon post I called the Telephone man, who duly arrived today.
He said...

"Hey,  I'm your telephone man
You just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can
I can put it in the bedroom, I can put it in the hall
I can put it in the bathroom, I can hang it on the wall
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring
And if you really want it, you can have a ding-a-ling
Because-a hey baby, I'm your telephone man"

Actually, he didn't say that at all. It was, for those who know nothing of this a Meri Wilson song from the 70's which just simply amuses me.I know it is crass.....


I got it in the bedroom, and I got it in the hall
And I got it in the bathroom, and he hung it on the wall
I got it with a buzz, and I got it with a ring
And when he told me what my number was, I got a ding-a-ling

But it just does.    OK!

Anyhow, I've done a Ronnie Corbett & drifted from the point, which was, if you were paying attention, that my Ding-a-ling Broadband had less speed than Jimi Hendrix on a 'night in'. Well after much prompting from me as to where the fault was (the entrance junction box was wrongly positioned, in my opinion) he fixed the problem. He then had to 'check' the other extensions around the house for some reason. Anyway, and almost inevitably, just  minutes after he left I found that now one of the extensions did not work. So once again I had to make a nice local call to Scotland, naturally, the engineer was just 2 minutes down the road (with a mobile) but No, I had to speak to a man in Scotland who "couldn't help and would put me through to a more appropriate person". So, obviously, he puts me through to a guy in India,         NOT EVEN THE SAME BLOODY CONTINENT!  
Needless to say they couldn't turn the engineer around.
Long story short (and long distant phone conversation later) I have another engineer coming for tea tomorrow.
Reminds me a bit of Flanders & Swan The gas man cometh song, have a listen.......
                                     
                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPZM8Ebt-mU
                                                                                                                                It says it all.







 




the perfect embodiment of an intangible quality; a personification