Willows Business Park (Kings Lynn), Welland Road (Peterborough), Bridge Road (Leicester) and Islington Street (Leicester) have a connection that probably only the geekiest of geeks would be able to recall. It was a connection that was going to afford me a saving of £25 and one that was also going to assist me in 'beating the system', albeit a very puerile win.
It all starts with the re-refurbishment of my kitchen. The existing kitchen was bespoke made and fitted in the 1970's. Made from thick wood & plywood it was put together with glue, nails (small and very long), screws (also very long), Dove joints, tacks, cement and commitment to a job well done. The guy that built this kitchen knew his trade well and I sincerely believe he thought we were on an earth quake fault line, for this kitchen was built to last. In the 70's, the Cold War was still unnerving and I am of the opinion that this kitchen was built as a bunker. "What's that dear? A three minute warning! Then open those doors, shift the pots and pans and mind yourself on that stop cock".
"Bombs away, Conrad......, "was that a hit Vladimir?" "Yes Conrad, the entire Village is vaporised, but what is that? Something is still there." "What can you see Vladimir?"...... "The only object still standing Conrad, is, is, well you might think I've had a few too many vodkas, but, well, it's a Kitchen!"
I had to resort to every tool that I had in my arsenal, bringing in the big guns (the sledge hammer) to remove the cemented on work surface. I ended up with a stash of wood that would have left a substantial hole in any forest, many pieces had loads of nails sticking out every which way as if they were some nasty and cruel medieval torture device. Whilst I cut up as much as I could for the fireplace I was still stuck with a tonne of debris.
So off to the Tip then. Car filled I headed for the local Recycling centre (or Tip, to you and me). I pulled in and started to unload, then the 'Tip Guy' comes across, takes the classic sharp inhale as he sized up my car load of wood and assorted bunker materials and then declares "You can't put all that into the skip, it's more than 2 bin bags worth." Well Duurrrrr, it's a bloody nuclear bunker, of course it's a lot, I thought, safety doesn't come cheap you know! He went on to explain that I could put the equivalent of two bag fulls of timber allowing me to dump the heavy cemented kitchen work tops in the general rubbish skip, but any more would be £25.
£25! Well nuclear Bunker or not, I have no intention of parting with £25 for something they would chip and sell on to the pulping mill (I haven't a clue what they do with it actually) so I said if that was the case I'd take it home and have a bonfire. Ya Boo to them. Later on my daughter had a great idea, she suggested that I put a great big false Moustache on the front of the car and go back in disguise for another two bits. This of course would not work, as I had a car full and I would have to go back many times, so she helpfully suggested that I craftily place a Fez on top of the car the next time and so on and so on. She's not all there you know, bless her. However my own plan was more cunning, more planned, more considered, but probably just as naive.......
I had to collect Claire (my daughter) from Leicester Uni and so I went to my old confidant and friend, Google and found EVERY Household tip on route from my house to her flat in Leicester. Yep, you've guessed it, I did a tour of tips across four Counties and just about every one of them was right next to my main route, the A47.
I'd pull into the first, be greeted with the same response my previous guy gave me and then I would look all despondent and threw away my small allowance, then off I drove towards Leicester stopping at the next tip and so on and so on. I know this seems churlish, but I was damned if I was going to part with £25.
And so it was that I started off with a People carrier, seats removed and car filled with a dismembered nuclear bunker and I arrived at Leicester, 100 miles later £25 still secured firmly in my Bank balance!
No comments:
Post a Comment