Today I had some simple tasks. Firstly I had to prepare a wall for painting, then paint it (two coats, since you ask) and then go to the Rubbish dump in Norwich. Seemed do-able to me.
The first went well, cleaned, scrubbed & rubbed the walls. Stuck up my masking tape which, by the way, always seems to rip off at an angle after just a few inches. This is completely unrelated to how old or battered the roll is. I had a brand new roll and as sure as the leaning tower of Pisa is leaning I just knew that about 2" short of the length of tape that I required it would start to rip off at an absolutely useless angle, leaving a very long tapering bit of useless sticky nothingness. I digress.
Then I painted the wall. Nothing to report there, in fact I would say that I did a jolly good job, but then I didn't have my glasses on and I have probably painted right across the cat, who'll get up and walk away with a rather snazzy shade of brown on her side. Still, it will make for a unique stencil of a 'cat snoozing on floor by wall of dining room'. Last time I painted a white door frame on the floor I quite forgot about the cat and several minutes later there was a trail of little paw prints running across my Ikea wood effect floor. I liked it so much that I never bothered to clean it off.
Where was I? Yes, yes that's right, the paint job done and dusted and on to the next task, getting to the Rubbish dump in Norwich. Filled the car up with said rubbish, mainly all the tut that the tiler decided to leave liberally scattered across my patio. I had never been to this Tip before so I had a nice morale boosting chat with my sat Nav and off we set. Now you have to understand that this Sat Nav is no Tom Tom and was designed well before Tom Tom was even just Tom. It relies on a CD ROM which runs in a computer, the size of a large TV Set Top Box, which sits snugly under the passenger seat. It is old and, perhaps, a little out of date. 10 years out of date, but I like to think of it as Retro. Sadly our streets are not so 'retro' and it does not know that many of them even exist. The other day I knew I was less than half a mile from my target, but that was not challenging it's brain, no, it wanted to design a route which was bespoke, unlike any other. Not the run of the mill direct route, have you there in two minutes Guv and we'll be home for tea. No, that would just be too easy. Tell you what, driver, I'll take you the scenic route......
My suspicions were firstly aroused when the little, as the crow flies, direction arrow pointed North and my car started to head South. A quick glance at the screen told me that I was in for a 75 kilometer tour of Norfolk that would only take an hour. I pulled into the B&Q car park, turned her off (Oh yes the Sat Nav is most definitely a 'she') and phoned the shop that I was hunting for. 2 minutes later I was there.
So you would think that I may have learnt the lesson, well my friend you are very, very mistaken. I left to head for Norwich, today, and it sent me a different route than the one I had been taking. Still I had nearly an hour before the Tip closed and it normally only takes about half an hour. The change will be interesting.
WRONG. The car Hijacked me, taking me on a tour of most of the little villages and indeed some of the larger ones too. One hour later and five minutes after the Tip had closed I arrived. In the words of a great cartoon hero..... D'oh!
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