There is nothing difficult about my work, and people get to hear it from me. .....................................Tracey Emin

I have spent all day creating an art installation in the Guest Bedroom which I have called 'White on White'. Like all good artists it has taken me to emotions of the lowest of lows and torn the very heart out of my soul through the process of seeking pure perfection. The 'installation' consists of a large area of the room's ceiling, actually all of the room's ceiling, which I have covered in a particular shade of white called 'Brilliant White'. Furthermore I have become a part of my own art work, it is me and I am it, by frequently brushing different body parts across the still wet 'White on White' subtly picking up small quantities of this striking Brilliant White on my arms, hands, face and hair (which is not immediately obvious as it seems to disappear against my Silver Fox hair and only succeeds in sticking patches of the hair together giving the appearance of an upturned bog brush on bleaching day).

The canvas (the ceiling), originally white, is now a slightly brighter white and try as I might I cannot lose the nagging feeling that I have just wasted 9 hours of my life. 9 HOURS? You may well think that is a long time to paint a ceiling, I mean canvas, and ordinarily you'd be right but this canvas is 252 sqft in size with the added complication of a further 84 sqft of extra surface consisting of wooden beams which hang from the canvas.
336 square feet of painting white paint on flipping white paint, ensuring that every nook and cranny created by the 12 beams or so, is painstakingly covered.
I am waiting with baited breath to see if, in the morning daylight, I can get away with just the one coat because (if you haven't already guessed) I HATE PAINTING WHITE PAINT WHITE!


For the Modern art lovers of you out there I have created a follow up to the bigger original masterpiece and it is reproduced below. I call it White on White, the afterthought..........

White on White, the afterthought

By Mike

Dedicated to Fyfe Robertson who discovered Phoney art (PHart for short).

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