"Daaaad. Do you know the Pianos on my foot?" "You hum it son and I'll play it!"

We find ourselves making silly mistakes, an inevitable consequence when tackling a refurbishment on such an old building with such a large range of 'works' being carried out on it. 

So far we have two biggies as far as mistakes go, firstly in our cottage the master bedroom required that half the floor be removed as it was split level and needed to be even throughout to accommodate a Superking-size bed. Consequently this portion of the floor was completely removed and a new one built 12 inches lower.
It was only once the floor had been rebuilt that we realised that we would not be able to get the enormous bed up the tiny flight of stairs and that we had missed the ideal chance to have got the bed up through the hole in the floor when we had the chance.
The solution was to order the bed in bespoke quarters which we could take up the narrow staircase and assemble in situ. which we successfully achieved.  Nonetheless very frustrating.


The second BIG mistake was perpetrated by myself. I had been mightily impressed by the Power Shower that we had bought and installed in the first B&B room and so jumping ahead of the game I bought a second for the Cottage shower room. It is a high power, high performance, reliable shower that just about every plumber I spoke to recommended. But it had a price to match,  with the 'book' price being £600 I searched the internet and eventually obtained it, brand new, at just £340 which was even cheaper than the plumber could do. Knowing I could get it so cheap and seeing that the same site was still selling it at that I decided to jump the gun and snap the 2nd one up.

Oooops!  It was only when they came to fit it that I became aware it was inappropriate for the new cottage shower room as the hot water system that I had agreed to was pressurised and the £340 of power shower was redundant. I tried selling it to the electrician, both lots of plumbers and even more recently to the builder, all of whom are interested in it but will wait until they have a customer whom needs one. So I'm stuck with that then and at some stage I shall probably flog it on Ebay.



Then there was our last mistake.....

We had completed all the works to the landings and as such had built several new walls from which a door leads to one of our smaller bedrooms. The mistake here was that we didn't learn from our first mistake (above) and having finished all the walls we then blindly ordered the new bed. Now this was just a single bed but the new walls and door angles looked like the ordered bed was going to be a struggle to get into the room......  AND IT WAS!

When it arrived I took it up the stairs and attempted to get it to the doorway of the respective bedroom which first involved it twisting (which 6' x 3' divan beds don't do) through another doorway first.

Well, I heaved and I hoed. I umphed and I poomfed. I even tried a liberal dollop of cursing but to no avail. This all went on at the top of the stairs and I was all the time put in mind of the famous Laurel and Hardy film "The Music Box" in which they attempt to move a piano up a long staircase and every time they nearly get there something happens to cause the piano to come crashing down the stairs.
Finally I had to give up and admit that it was just never going to fit. I thought about cutting it in half or dismantling it but the material had been stretched across the whole thing, that was not an option.

My rule is never say die, there always has to be a way...... Now What would Jesus do?  Probably buy a futon!  I had already considered my plan B but wasn't very keen on it as it was going to be a tad awkward and I would definitely need a hand. BUT as luck would have it some dear friends were coming to stay and I felt sure that they would assist, especially as this was the bed that their son was due to sleep in. If he was to sleep in a bed when they arrived then they would have to help me get the bed up over the porch's tiled roof and in through a first floor window......... Easy peasy.


And so my Plan B was implemented on their arrival. The bed was hoisted up my very dodgy ladder precariously positioned on a wobbly, cobbled yard until it reached a window that in years gone by was originally a door for hoisting sacks of grain up into the old shops attic. Once we had got it through this window then all we had to do was slide it down the long corridor and straight into the bedroom.  Walla!


The following demonstrates both mind over matter and divan over roof tiles.......

First we positioned a sheet of hardboard to act as both protector of the porch roof tiles and as a guide to allow the bed to slide over the window sill.

Then with Matthew (our friends son and hopeful 'bedeee') holding the sheet of hardboard in place we were ready for the big lift.

Here we are just contemplating the finer details of the big lift. Graham (on the left) and I (on the right) both secretly musing on which way we would jump if it all went wrong,  our exit strategy if you will.
Every man for himself!   Well that was what I was thinking anyway.

I look at this picture with some incredulity as some 30 years ago Graham was Best man at my wedding and at that time people used to think we were brothers because we looked so similar. Well here we are 3 decades later and I appear to have grown a foot taller and 3 foot wider whereas he still looks much the same.....    Even his hair is still the same colour.

Obviously I put his ageless state down to witch craft and my aged state down to my genes.


Anyhow................

Ready and poised, Shirley (Matthews Mother) has taken over hard board duties, the bed is in place and we're ready to go.

Too me, no, no.... to you son. Up a bit... give it a wiggle.... YOU GIVE IT A WIGGLE!

Did anyone measure the window size?

"Yes of course I did.".......        "Nice arse".......      "Who said that!"

Shirley - "Do you think he makes all his B&B guests do this?"

The task was finally completed, Matthew had his bed, his parents had earnt their supper, mission impossible had been achieved and I was left hanging on the window sill by my fingernails   C'est la vie!








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