Congratulations on your Diamond Jubilee Queeny.

Silently he slithered along in his own mucus like a creature from a lost time with no care as to which direction he went or indeed to the final destination. It was as if he had had one too many sips of a potent firewater thus it appeared with impaired vision and balance  that he staggered across the carpet from the kitchen door then onwards and over the mat that sat in front of the hearth. By the break of dawn there was no sign of him at all, our strange and mysterious nocturnal visitor had gone. Where he had gone was impossible to say for sure but there were clues if only we could untangle them, for his calling card was a simple a network of ribbon like silvery, slightly sticky, mucus trails.
In short we've got SLUGS!

Yep, however late at night I stay up there is absolutely no slug action (for the want of a better expression) but in the few  hours that I lay in my bed they seem to get onto 'slug facebook' and organise a slug rave on and around my living room fireplace. I have never had shiny slime trails running across my living room carpet before and I am able to elucidate that they add nothing to the look of the place. I mean you never see slug trails in those elegant 'Country Homes' photo shoots do you. Excuse me Lady whatsyername could you just shift your tiara to the right a little to hide the snail trail!

I wouldn't mind but the cat is around all night and does nothing  to eliminate the pesky things. Perhaps I should leave a little garlic down for her to wash them down with. I have tried following the trails but they seem to have no definite exit route or, for that matter entrances to the room either. I have considered pellets but as the cat must not eat them you can bet your bottom dollar that she'll knock 'em back in a second!

There she'll be slowly poisoning herself as a slug slips nonchalantly along even more slowly right under her tummy!

The Old Bakery in her full Jubilee plumage!