But it's the teeth underneath that give me such grief when I chew on the beef

 No pain, No gain.

I have fillings and drilling's and caps and crowns,

I have an extremist Hygienist who works like a 'machinist',

My Dentist dispenses menaces and distresses....    with expenses!

I dribble and spittle then gargle a little then beg for acquittal....

But it's the teeth underneath that give me such grief when I chew on the beef

So with disbelief I'm underneath this thief from my own mischief desperately seeking relief.

I promise myself no more ice cream or cake, or Cadbury's Flake, or sugary bakes,

all lies, of course, 'cause I'm well apprenticed my sweet tooth taking me right back to the DENTIST!

M.Thomas

Sad but true I'm afraid. As I mentioned in yesterdays blog I received a bit of facial bling last week and to obtain this exquisite bit of jewellery he had to take a 'cast' of my chompers. Any of you that have had this nasty experience can probably still remember the weird and unnatural feel of the goo that they stick in your mouth as it oozes through every gap in your teeth. Anyway I was just walking away from the Dentist when he slipped a small parcel into my hand somewhat in the sly way that Corporal Jones would slip Captain Manwaring half a pound of sausages in Dad's Army. "You never know but you might need these some day". he suggested. So as I walk out of the Dentist I take a look at the offering in the bag and was a little surprised to see an impression of my very own teeth smiling right back at me, for he had given me the two plaster of paris mouldings of my teeth.

People are full of surprises. Most often what I think is odd they clearly don't and in the normality of their behaviour it makes for an even bigger shock when I am shown something that surprises me.  For example I used to have a customer in one store that would always talk about his beloved Mother. He was well into his 60's and I knew that she had died several years before I had met him. It was his 'thing' to tell me about the good times he had with her and how things had deteriorated as the years went on. One day he pulled me to one side and asked if I would like to see a photo of his mother. "Yes of course, I'd love to", I lied and he pulls a reasonably large photograph out of an envelope and passes it to me. Now every thing looked quite normal on first glance and then, all of a sudden, it didn't. I don't know how I knew but I just did, perhaps there were subliminal clues in the photo, she was sitting in "her favourite armchair" he explained and I'm thinking she's dead, "She loved that chair" he clarified and I thought he is showing me a photo of his dead mother, actually dead in the photo! "Of course that is exactly as I found her...." and he went on to confirm that he took this photo whilst he was waiting for the ambulance. To him this was quite normal but it just didn't seem right to me.

Anyway I headed off home with my newly acquired two sets of plaster cast teeth, a genuine heir loom that I could give to my Daughter as soon as I got home. Apparently I am "Freaky" and she wanted to know "What's wrong with you? Why are You YOU?" I thought she would be pleased to have a little bit of me when I was gone. I explained that she could probably ask for the gold back too but this just sent her off again "You are weird, just go away you freak" she admonished me.

So instead I have mounted them on a plaque which is ironic because my real teeth have plaque mounted on them. Then I put that in a frame and have mounted it on the bathroom wall somewhat in the fashion of that which a hunter would do with a Deer's head in the living room. It is both avant-garde and useful too as I can see where to brush at a glance.....

But is it Art?

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Now to the stuff about The Old Bakery, not a lot to say really other than I spent most of Friday tidying the garage and feeling a lot better for it. I still can't park a car in there but I reckon that very few garages across the country actually use their garages for parking cars in them, there's just too much junk in the world.

Percy, the pheasant is still feeding in the garden most days and the snow has finally gone so hopefully I can get out there and do some gardening now. Oh having spoken to a long term resident, his family have lived in the village for 3 generations, I have discovered that the village received mains sewers in the 1980's and that they could all connect up to it if they wanted. It appears that The Old Bakery's previous owner did NOT want to pay the connection costs hence that is why we are still on the smallest septic tank in England. That said I just have to pay £150 a year whilst they are paying £800 a year and to add insult to injury the liquids from my septic tank are (quite legally) running off into their gardens! It's a topsy turvy world isn't it!

To end the blog, guess what.... Yep another sunset, taken about a week ago. Actually the sun had gone behind a cloud and left this very plain but beautiful tinge to the sky. This was taken about 2 miles from our village.

Oh, by the way, NO of course I haven't mounted my teeth on a plaque in the bathroom! That would just be too weird, even for me.

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