Well inevitably you end up missing important things when you don't keep up with the paperwork and as a result of just such an issue Alison started to plough through the paperwork piled up in the office on Sunday and I provided a form of back~up on Monday by gathering any paperwork I could find dotted around the house. I plonked the pile on our very large dinning room table, sat back and watched a slow landslide start to form as the sheets of paper on the top of the pile started to slide down, picking up momentum (and many other sheets too) the landslide turned into an avalanche and as the sudden out pouring and eventual collapse of the 'Bumf Mountain' subsided, I watched a single sheet of A5 slide off the table and waft gently down to the hard stone floor.
I looked at the dysfunctional pile of paperwork spread across the table then I looked down at the sheet that had fallen to the floor. It, in turn, looked right back up at me and the only word that I could read on it was...
RELAX!,
written in a loud bold font. I looked back at the pile on the table with an eye of irony knowing that this was not even the half of it. Picking up the leaflet from the floor, noticing it was actually the guarantee for the new washer/dryer, I placed it on the table thus starting the first of many different piles as I sorted out this ramshackled chaos.As I started each new pile I assigned a piece of Paper with a heading such as 'TO ACTION', or 'TO FILE', you get the idea, and eventually I had a good dozen or so piles dotted around the table to which I would add every time I selected a piece of paper from my game of paper Kerplunk.
I DID NOT, HOWEVER, prepare any safety measure to protect my system from a cat. Actually not just a cat but a bored and restless cat (Scribble) who had decided that I had neglected her for too long and whom wanted to play a game. The game was called "Guess the pile" and the objective was quite clear, I (the player known as 'The Victim') had to select a piece of paper from the pile in the centre of the table (called the 'Pile~o~crap') read it, decide which pile it should be placed onto and if required make a note on a bit of paper (called 'The To Do List).
Scribble the cat (known as 'The pesky player') then had to second guess which pile I would next have to gain access to and get over to it before I could, ensuring that she is sat firmly and squarely in the centre of the pile so that absolutely nothing else can be added. She could gain extra points if she could go and sit on the right pile JUST before 'The Victim' (me) actually pulled the next piece of paper from the 'Pile~o~crap'. More points for vexation could be added by clever use of sauntering, ie if she could successfully get up and walk to another pile in such a way that she managed to scatter several other piles on route AND was able to wag her tail into my mouth, eyes or facial areas as she did so. The bonus points came when she found that she could go and spread out on my To Do list every time that I wished to add something to it.
And so the game continued, me reaching out to delve in to the lucky dip of fate whilst the cat was already starting her tour of the table somewhat like a ball in a roulette wheel deciding where she should park her bottom and seemingly choosing the most appropriate pile most times. As I put all my money on Red it seemed to frequently land on black. I have no idea how she managed to be quite so accurate and indeed so vexatious, a talent in the household that I have always considered more my domain!
After I had given up, Scribble realising that I had conceded then followed me into the next room and even as I sit here now she has been nudging my hands as I try to type this and has also made me remove the laptop from the afore said 'Lap' so that I have to twist sidewards to write this blog whilst she is left sitting pretty in my lap with out a care in the world.
Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth...... but her claws would rip your mouth to shreds!
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